"Tissue please! We have a weeper!"

When I went to high school there were three girls who were massively into New Kids On The Block. They were always together, always the same formation, a bit like the Supremes or destinys child! The blonde cool one in the middle and the two quieter ones on either side.
They walked around with pins on their black box jackets, ripped jeans that had been stitched with NKOTB patches. They thought they were the coolest gang ever.
I remember at a houseparty at one of the girls once, I walked into her bedroom by mistake and saw a shrine to Jordan. She had candles that she had written Jordan on in red and posters and clippings e.v.e.r.y.w.h.e.r.e. And when I later went to the bathroom I wasn't surprised to find the toothbrush cup filled with brushes of the make Jordan.
Needless to say, our friends and I didn't understand the obsession. How one could actually start crying as soon as Hang tough played on the radio, fainting at concerts? We just thought they were slightly mental and totally immature.

I've had lots of musical heroes during my teens and twenties. The first one was probably Joey Tempest from Europe (I was about 13 so don't hold it against me)
Later on my musical horizons widened and Joey was quickly replaced by Jason Falkner, Neil Young, Bob Dylan to mention a few, and over the years I've been to countless memorable concerts and gigs. Although never crying hysterically like the girls from high school.
And then along came Morrissey.

The first time i heard the Smiths was at my best friend's boyfriend's flat. We had been been drinking homemade wine that tasted like tar, hanging out on the balcony looking over the local bus station. It wasn't the most romantic setting for what then happened to be one of the most memorable evenings of my life.
I was around 14, filled with teenage angst, and then Girlfriend In A Coma came pouring out of the stereo.
That was it. From then on The Smiths and Morrissey came with me wherever I went and has outlived many other musical heroes I had in the past.

Last night I went to see Morrissey. And somewhere between Morrissey coming onto the stage and the first chord of "This charming man" was belted out to the screaming crowd, I started crying. Big tears rolling down my cheeks. And I couldn't stop. I cried throughout the whole concert, and when he started Girlfriend In A Coma, my friend Anna thought I was going to have a meltdown. It had caught me by surprise. "Me? Crying at a concert? yeah, right!"

I woke up today thinking about those three girls back in high school, and how I completely dimissed them for crying all the time..
And last night it was my turn to feel so happy that tears started rolling. Turns out, it has nothing to do with how old/young/mature you are. It's just feelings, and they don't have an age limit.

The chosen one

As ive grown older ive found myself saying things i wouldnt have dreamed of saying when i was in my late teens, early twenties.

"Look, I just don't think he's that into you " .

This phrase could've spared loads of girls some pretty embarrassing moments, but no, we were far too dreamy to realize that if the guy didn't ring you in a week, he was probably never gonna ring.. EVER! Now, since we feel time is running out, and we don't have time to wait by the phone, it gets used pretty frequently.

"I think I have to rearrange my pension scheme"

Time stood still back then. You were invincible, the centre of the universe, untouchable and definately NOT growing old. You sneered at the older siblings of friends, "Gooood you're so OLD" as soon as someting remotely responsible came up in conversation. In recent years I've found myself thinking "Hmmm... what does the stockmarket say in Hong Kong?"

"We're old enough to choose our friends"

Back when you were seven you were put together with a bunch of strangers who followed you for nine years until you were able to choose school and direction yourself. If you were lucky those people turned out to be really good friends, but often some of them would annoy you so much during maths you'd dream of winning the lottery and sending them on a one way trip on the trans siberian railway.

My chosen friends are the most beautiful people I know. They are caring, funny, empathetic, interesting, genuine and I have hand picked them carefully over the years, grateful of the fact I've found such amazing people.
But most of all I am grateful that they have chosen me, and for that I will always feel lucky.

"Yes. That IS me in my passportpicture"

A few weeks back I went to buy a small present for my girlie friend D. Had to pay with my credit card and so the sales assistant asked to see proof of ID. Since I lost my drivers license about a year ago (yes I know, should sort it, got the paperwork just not the energy) I had to show my passport which in Sweden is not that common to walk around with. She looked at the the passport and then said with disbelief in her eyes "Were you really born in 1979?" I got dead paranoid thinking she thought it was fake or something. "Eeeeh, yeah that's me in the picture." "Really?? You look like you're 24! 25 tops!"
Left the shop feeling pretty good.

Fast forward to last week when I was off to the UK for some festival times with my best friend S.
Went through security and slipped my passport to the young guy sitting in the glass cage.
"Sorry, but are you really 29?" (What the hell??) "Yeah that IS me in my passportpicture" fidgeting slightly. "Oh. Gotta ask. Whats your secret?" "I party a lot"

Maybe its not so bad turning 30 after all. At least not if you look like a 24 year old, 25 tops!

Standing in the que from hell

Oh dear. What have I gotten myself into..
Saturday was the day when the first bullet point on my to-do-before-30 list took place.
It was crowded, it was hot, it was fucking agony. I didn't make it to the end, but I'm content with having stood in the que from hell for 6 hours before packing it in.
A friend of mine rang whilst I was standing surrounded by yapping teenagers and asked "Oh are you at the Acne sale??" "Eeeehrm.. noo. Somewhere completely different.."
The only thing I got out of the day was Red bull all over my pink converse, impaired hearing and a parking ticket.. Would've rather had a pair of cheap jeans..

the pear incident

I woke up this morning with the sun shining on my face, jumped out of bed and put the stereo on. Lately I've been playing Phoenox in the morning if its sunny outside, just cause it gives me massive I-love-my-life feelings and I usually have a wee boogie whilst brushing my teeth. After that the day seems to go by much easier and I breeze through with a big smile on my face.
That is how today started.
I jumped in the car ready to drive the 2 hour trekk down to yet another small town. I'd brought some old cd's too so to keep myself busy. Since this morning was such a sunny and happy morning I had decided not to go for my usual Ane Brun cd, but instead opted for a real nineties indiepop flashback. Popsicle, The Wannadies and The cardigans Emmerdale all got stuffed in the bag and put in the car.
Got out on the motorway, the sun's shining, I'm wearing my new pink Chanel lipstick, got Princess playin on the stereo at the loudest possible volume whilst I'm screaming along, life is great. So far this is the best morning ever.
Started feeling a bit hungry after a while so I grope in my bag after a big juicy pear.

My friends usually laugh at me because my car is often in a right state, and can mostly only take passengers in the front beacuse the back is full of crap and workstuff. I basically live in my car. Sometimes it's been a blessing. For example when my friend S and I were going to the gym and she had left her socks behind. "Hang on! I think I might have a pair in the car!" Yep, there they were. Clean and all lying in the back amongst all the rubble. Or when another friend didn't want to wear her trainers to a fancy afterwork do "Hang on! You wanna borrow my red laquer heels? Theyre in the car!" Oh yes. Those ladies have my car to thank for a lot of good things that has come their way.

Back to the best morning ever. Since my car is in such a state I try to have a rubbish bag in the front for things like wrappers, parkingtickets and general litter. But fruits I usually throw out the window thinking there is some poor Bambi calling "Mo-o-other" roaming around feeling hungry. I got the passengerwindow down, and got ready to throw the hafeaten pear out. Since I'm driving at this point it was a bit difficult to aim properly..... Which is why I missed the open bit and instead hit the windowglass so hard the pear split in half and flew all over the seat, and the juices were running down on to the inside door handle. SHIT! I bloody had to throw it again. I've got one hand on the wheel and the other is desperately trying to find two soggy pieces of pear in a car that is like a bottomless pit. Loose something in my car and it is lost forever.
FOUND IT! Decided to throw it out of my own window instead, so I did. Which resulted in me getting hooted at by some lunatic in a shitty Renault AND given the finger when he overtook me.
"I WAS ONLY TRYING TO FEED BAMBI YOU BIG ASSHOLE!!!"

Quickly replaced Princess with Queens of the stone age and proceeded down the motorway with my happy mood gone, thinking I will NEVER eat another pear in my life! At least not in the car..

nostalgia suits you

One of the most memorable moments of my life was when I heard Elliot Smith for the first time. It was in the late nineties, in a basement in a small northern town in Sweden. I was in love and life was great. Elliot Smith was on the soundtrack of my life and thats where he's firmly stayed ever since.
So today when my best friend sent me a cover he had recorded of Pitseleh, I was catapulted back to those care free days and I havent stopped smiling since. Thank you S!

Welcome!

I turn 30 in September. Jeezz.. I'm old.. but not grown-up..(how does that work anyway?) When do you become an adult? Is it when you start saving for your pension or when you get on your partners case for not cleaning the drain in the kitchen often enough?? Or when you get inlays for your converse so not to mess your joints up?
I think I might have a crisis on my hands..
At the beginning of January I made a list of things I want to do this year. One of them happens this Saturday..
Fingers crossed!